A Definitive Ranking of The OA Characters

It’s a bit difficult to compartmentalize what exactly The OA is. The closest we can get is an often less-than-feel-good science fiction space-time odyssey about a woman who escapes seven years in captivity which, *whew*, is a mouthful. And we loved every episode of it. And, as is customary when a television show leaves us in a state of twitchy, sleep deprived shock, we joined forces to rank all of the OA characters. If you haven’t spent an entire day binge watching The OA like we did, then you might want to avert your eyes for the time being. If you did, then check out if your favorite OA characters made it to the top of our definitive ranking.

There are MAJOR SPOILERS present here. We reference development of OA characters as well as, you know, THE ENDING.

Let us know in the comments if you agree with our ranking or if you think we’re crazy (that counts, too).

Without further ado, we give you our The OA character ranking:

15. Dr. Hunter Aloysius “Hap” Percy

the oa character ranking best oa characters

© Netflix

R: I wanted to believe that Jason Isaacs was capable of playing a good guy, but I’ve listened to too many true crime podcasts not to know that Jim Croce and insulated windows means it’s already too late.

G: After so many years repressing any inkling of physical attraction for Lucius Malfoy, here I go and fall for the serial killer.

14. Elias Rahim

the oa character ranking best oa characters

© Netflix

R: Dear Elias Rahim (if that is even your real name)– I thought that you, out of all the characters, had a kind and honest face. You wore nice sweaters and talked about the importance of hugs. And then you showed up in the OA’s house in the middle of the night for no apparent reason other than to possibly plant some books under her bed, obliterating my sense of trust. You, sir, are a snake with nice hair.

G: Elias Rahim is the reason why kids have trust issues and don’t like to talk to therapists.

13. Roman Azarov 

the oa character ranking best oa characters

© Netflix

R: If the OA had done a little more digging she might have discovered that her father was, indeed, alive (for a brief time) and living in New York under the name Vladimir Ranskahov. Roman/Vladimir would later be killed during a shootout after teaming up with Daredevil to help protect Hell’s Kitchen. (I’ve fully accepted that all Netflix shows happen within the same universe and you should too).

G: I don’t think I ever understood if Roman was supposed to make me feel safe or scared. Most of the time I was just scared.

12. Scott Brown

the oa character ranking best oa characters

© Netflix

R: Never trust a white dude with dreadlocks who doesn’t like mustard. (Also, being from Massachusetts, every time I hear the name Scott Brown I think of Senator Scott Brown and that just opens a whole other can of worms lemme tell you).

G: Sometimes you try to be Judas, but you end up being Lazarus and owing people some money for waking you the fuck up.

11. Nancy Johnson

the oa character ranking best oa characters

© Netflix

R: You know what, Nancy!? You wouldn’t have to worry about your daughter sneaking out at night and hanging out with strangers IF YOU HAD JUST GIVEN HER THE WIFI PASSWORD.

G: There are many kinds of mothers in this world. Nancy is of the variety that specializes in fucking everything up with her over-parenting.

10. Abel Johnson

the oa character ranking best oa characters

© Netflix

R: All he wants is to be a good dad. Let him be the good dad he wants to be.

G: Good father-daughter relationships always make me cry.

9. Steve Winchell

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© Netflix

R: I feel like Steve’s listened to one too many Eminem songs.  

G: Steve, sometimes you just have got to get it together. Stop stabbing people with pencils! Stop unleashing vicious dogs at them! Stop punching throats!

8. Rachel 

the oa character ranking best oa characters

© Netflix

R: If Sharon Van Etten ever reads this I want her to know that when I found out she was playing Rachel I immediately told my friends listen to Serpents because it is AMAZING.

G: Why didn’t you get a move, Rachel? What are you hiding?

7. Renata 

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© Netflix

R: Instead of the five movements I’m going to practice emulating Renata smoking a cigar and refusing Hap’s advances.

G: Her white pantsuit freaked me out.

6. Jesse

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© Netflix

R: He’s like if Dustin from Stranger Things grew up to become a stoner. Protect him.

G: The unsung hero and precious cinnamon roll of this show. Remember him having a heart to heart with BBA while they were cleaning out her brother’s old room? Yeah, that’s right.

5. Alfonso “French” Sosa

the oa character ranking best oa characters

© Netflix

R: Alfonso Sosa isn’t just a cinnamon roll. He’s a whole tray of cinnamon rolls fresh out of the oven, sprinkled with a hearty helping of drugs, sadness, and early onset adult responsibilities. Delicious.

G: Alfonso also happens to be the new face of high functioning anxiety and the new poster on my wall. Right next to Jon Snow, another sad and brave fellow like himself. To be fair, Alfonso knows a great many things.

4. Buck Vu

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© Netflix

R: It’s really hard to put into words how much I love Buck.

G: Actual angel.

3. Betty Broderick-Allen 

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© Netflix

R: She’s everyone’s mom and I love her.

G: “My boys.” That is all. That is all I am saying right now.

2. Homer

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© Netflix

R: You know that machine Hap uses to hear everyone’s heartbeats? If you pointed it at my chest you wouldn’t be able to hear mine because Homer killed me.

G: AKJVBNSKJBDVKSBVKSJBVSKJBVSJVBSKDV MY HEART.

1. Nina Azarov/Prairie Johnson/The OA

the oa character ranking best oa characters

© Netflix

R: There’s nothing in this world that a cup of tea and a long nap can’t fix. Except… well… except maybe blood-loss and irrevocable sadness because you might never see the man you love again. But they’ll take care of the rest!

G: I don’t care if she has been lying to me. This girl needs and deserves a hot shower with no weird premonitions and a proper hug that doesn’t come from snakes like Rahim.

Thoughts on our ranking? Let us know who your favorite OA characters are in the comments. Even if they’re morally impaired, we don’t judge. (Even Hap fans are allowed).

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Comments

comments

3 thoughts on “A Definitive Ranking of The OA Characters”

  1. Deborah Green says:

    I rate Steve above Rachel and Renata because he’s learning to do better, to be more empathetic, to take responsibility. He stabs OA with the pencil because he’s distraught, feels betrayed. He has the potential to be a true teacher, when he grows up a bit more.

    Pretty much agree with everything else, except that BBA is not just a mother figure protecting her boys, she’s a student, a teacher, a sister, an otter…

    If you want to see Jason Issacs in a role where you don’t have to feel conflicted about how hot he is, watch Case Histories. Jackson Brodie is a Good (though complex) Man.

    1. Gabrielle van Welie says:

      Rachael’s a big fan of Case Histories, so that’s definitely on my list as well! I see where you’re coming from with Steve. Our decision had a lot to do with the fact that we recognized Steve as an inherently aggressive character, in a way that therapy or “growing up” couldn’t really fix. I’m sure you’ve met people like this in your own life. Someone who you know is trying but ultimately always falls back on these violent patterns when facing stressful situations. But in retrospect, we could’ve given him more points for at least trying. To be clear: we do hold Steve closer to our hearts than Rachel or Renata, but felt that in a evil to pure ranking, he fell behind them 🙂 Thank you for your thoughts!

      1. Deborah Green says:

        Good point – neither Rachel nor Renata harms anyone, but Steve is habitually violent, so placing him lower in the pure to evil ranking is fair.

        I hope you enjoy Case Histories when you see it ☺

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