This is a spoiler-filled Game of Thrones Season 7 Episode 3, “The Queen’s Justice” recap
Ice and fire have finally met in Game of Thrones and neither seem to have the upper hand. While Daenerys had led an unblemished political campaign up to this point, the events from “Stormborn” have left her in a complicated position. Jon Snow understands he sounds like a madman when he talks about an army of the dead, Night Kings, and other shenanigans, but in the end gets what he wants: the permission to mine Dragonglass.
Samwell Tarly successfully treats Jorah Mormont who is now making his way back to his Khaleesi. Bran Stark has returned to Winterfell where he has no interest in taking his spot as rightful King in the North. As he confesses to Sansa, the three-eyed raven can’t rule. But what he can do is recall that time his beloved sister was raped in Winterfell. #Awks
No word on Arya Stark this episode, but we assume she’s still en-route to Winterfell. Meanwhile, Euron Greyjoy shows up with Ellaria Sand and her daughter, a gift which Cersei most definitely accepts. Revenge is a dish better served cold, but by the end of the episode, we know the queen of revenge is Olenna Tyrell who reveals she poisoned Joffrey Baratheon right after chugging her own share of poison. Talk about a mic drop.
A brief commentary on what went down in Game of Thrones Season 7 Episode 3, “The Queen’s Justice”
Tyrion Lannister assures Jon Snow he has not banged his sister
Jon: Dude, I didn’t ask you?
Inner Jon: Me neither….
R: I’m really happy that one of the first things Tyrion felt he needed to do was make sure Jon knew that he hadn’t slept with his sister. Clearly he cares enough about their bromance to make sure that there’s no bad air between them. Maybe the last scene of the final episode of Game of Thrones will be Tyrion and Jon riding off into the sunset together.
M: Tyrion pulled a Bill Clinton. “I did not have sexual relations with that woman. Your sister. Sansa”.
Daenerys Targaryen is shocked to find Jon Snow can’t be p*ssy whipped
G: Daenerys had a very clear idea of what she thought was going to go down when she met with Jon Snow, her new loyal subject. Sorry, Dany. But Ygritte was committed to turning that boy into a man even if it was the last thing she did in this life.
R: Jon not bending the knee is the smartest thing Jon’s done in seasons.
M: Every time the two are on screen together, “Can You Feel the Love Tonight?” plays in my head. The tension is real and it needs to be cut! Sexually!
Euron Greyjoy satisfies his praise fetish
G: The only time when Euron Greyjoy doesn’t annoy me is when he’s taunting Jaime. Like, what a time to be alive.
R: I cannot wait for Jamie Lannister and his perfect quiff to haul off and backhand Euron “Chris Martin Wannabe” Greyjoy into oblivion.
M: Euron questioning Jaime on Cersei’s kinks is in my top five Game of Thrones moments.
Cersei Lannister does not care about anything anymore
G: Since she doesn’t sleep anyway, she might as well poison Ellaria’s daughter (via makeout session) and allow her servants to see that she indeed bangs her brother.
R: Can we talk about the fact that Cersei Lannister CLEARLY made all of the servants in the castle get their hair styled the same as hers? She would be that type of psychotic dictator. Also, give Lena Headey an Emmy.
M: The only thing scarier than Cersei this season is Gaby when you accidentally share spoilers.
G: Watch it, Murphy. There are no third strikes in this game.
Bran Stark shows up in Winterfell and for the first time we’d rather be in Littlefinger’s presence
G: “Hey, Sis. Sorry you got raped, and sorry that I saw you get raped and thought you looked really beautiful. I hope we can still be siblings.”
R: Jon might be the best at brooding but Bran sure is the best at making literally every conversation uncomfortable.
M: Bran is the Jughead of Game of Thrones. His explanation of being the Three-Eyed Raven to Sansa gave me flashbacks to the “I’m a weirdo” speech in Riverdale and I was not a fan!
Olenna Tyrell wins the Game of Thrones
G: As per our predictions, we knew Olenna Tyrell would be bowing out soon, but not without using her last move to obliterate Cersei. First she gets into Jaime’s head, telling him all about how Cersei is a disease and will be the death of him. And then, homegirl goes and chugs some poison “accepting defeat” just to turn around and confess to killing Joffrey before drawing her final breath. I am in AWE of this woman.
R: Olenna Tyrell? More like OG Tyrell AMIRIGHT?!?!
M: Olenna Tyrell is the only woman who can vividly describe the death of a child with pride in her voice that I will cheer to the death.
“The Queen’s Justice” Episode Vitals:
MVP: Olenna Tyrell
We don’t need to support our claim. We all saw what we saw and felt what we felt.
Favorite Moment: “Tell Cersei. I want her to know it was me.”
Biggest Annoyance: Theon “I Tried to Save My Sister” Greyjoy
Missandei: “You stand in the presence of Daenerys Stormborn of House Targaryen. Rightful heir to the Iron Throne. Rightful Queen to the Andals and First Men. Protector of the Seven Kingdoms. The Mother of Dragons. The Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea. The Unburnt. The Breaker of Chains.”
Sir Davos: “This is Jon Snow. He’s King in the North.”
Race for the Throne:
Fourth Place: Daenerys Targaryen
Worst than last week, Daenerys has lost Highgarden, Dorne, most of the Greyjoy fleet, and half of the Unsullied army she sent to Casterly Rock. At least she has a new friend, Jon Snow, who 100% is not bending the knee.
Third Place: Jon Snow
With the return of Bran Stark, Sansa’s position is threatened in the North, even if Bran doesn’t want to take her place. Jon Snow, on the other hand, is still King in the North and has managed to get permission from Daenerys to mine Dragonglass. Unlike Daenerys, Jon still has insider access to the current Seven Kingdoms and is unknowingly visiting his father’s home. Also, Bran is ready to speak to him about his past, so the Jon Targaryen-Stark party is about to get started.
Second Place: Cersei Lannister
Much like her father, Cersei Lannister has somehow forged her victory out of nothing. We’re not sure how we got here, but Cersei’s back on her A game.
First Place: Olenna Tyrell
We know she’s dead, but what she did this week probably felt better than sitting on the Iron Throne ever could. So, there you have it. For this week only: Olenna Tyrell wins the Game of Thrones.