Race for the Throne: Game of Thrones S7E05 ‘Eastwatch’ Recap
This is a spoiler-filled Game of Thrones Season 7 Episode 5, “Eastwatch” recap
We’ve been watching Game of Thrones for over seven years now. We know to expect the unexpected just as we know to expect a less action-packed episode after witnessing something as insane as the Loot Train attack from “The Spoils of War.” That being said, “Eastwatch” didn’t lose momentum, throwing truth bombs and curveballs at us like it was nobody’s business.
First we have a ruthless Daenerys, burning those who refuse to bend the knee (sans Jon Snow because he pets dragons and has good genes). We have a defeated Tyrion, going to extremes like meeting with Jaime to regain his Queen’s trust. And of course, a scheming Littlefinger who seeks to take over the North while Jon is busy charging against the White Walkers with nothing but the Westeros Avengers composed of The Hound, Tormund, Ser Davos, weird Brotherhood Without Banners people, and the long awaited Gendry Waters.
Will Jon live to find out he’s Rhaegar and Lyanna’s son? Does Bran already know Rhaegar and Lyanna got married, making Jon the most legitimate heir to the Iron Throne? IF BRAN SEES EVERYTHING, can he kill Littlefinger before the Ladies of Winterfell self-destruct? We’ll have to wait and see. Anxiety levels are high.
A brief commentary on what went down in Game of Thrones Season 7 Episode 5, “Eastwatch”
Daenerys went Dracarys on a lot of people’s ass
G: I truly want to believe that Daenerys is not her father. I also feel she does have to be ruthless in a world of Cersei Lannisters. But man, it’s rough to see your heroes get their hands dirty.
R: I don’t want to hear about anyone trying to justify why Daenerys shouldn’t have charbroiled Dickon and Randyll. They were both horrible, horrible people to Sam and absolutely had it coming to them.
M: Daenerys made a small army bend the knee by showing them smoked Dickon. This isn’t a porn parody, this is the current plot. Smoked Dickon, I’ll never get tired of saying it.
K: If you thought they focused on giving character development to two minor characters before a major battle to make them relevant rather than mercilessly kill them I do not know how you have survived this show so far.
The Ladies of Winterfell get played by Littlefinger
G: Here I was, thinking Arya was slaying, and we were finally beating Littlefinger at his own game. But of course. It is nothing more than Littlefinger scheming to get his butt on the Iron Throne.
R: Is Littlefinger playing Arya? Is Arya playing Littlefinger? Would the scene have been much less stressful to watch with Ride of the Valkyries playing over it? The answer to at least one of these is yes.
M: One, reading the sentence “is Arya playing Littlefinger?” made me dry heave just a bit. I’m really frustrated with how far these characters have come individually and yet, they’re both still hung up on each other’s bad habits as children. Grow up, Starks! There is a creepy man watching you by a corner trying to bang his way to the throne!
K: Arya has now become over-confident and forgotten who she is dealing with. In retrospect, Littlefinger could’ve only been more obvious if he would’ve also waved at Arya and told her this was all a trap.
Bran sees ravens, sends ravens and nothing changes
G: If only the maesters would listen to Sam and Sam would listen to Gilly….
R: Jon: *receives raven* Arya and Bran are ALIVE?!?! But I spent 30 + episodes and countless hours thinking they were dead and plotting ways to avenge them. Cool, cool, cool. Just gotta run some errands first.
M: Bran has graduated to the top of the class in peeping. You think you can get away from the ravens seeing you do something scandalous with a relative in the safety of your own bedroom?! Never again!
K: “Hey, this is Bran Stark. The end is nigh. Dragons are real. The White Walkers are coming. The gods exist. Grey Worm can screw without his penis. Cersei did S6E10. I know this is true because I am a magic three eyed bird. Please believe me.”
Jon Snow pets a dragon, and Gilly confirms Rhaegar and Lyanna got married
G: I am legitimately losing my mind about this. If Daenerys thought Jon petting a dragon was a big deal, GURL YOU JUST WAIT FOR THE SHITSTORM THAT’S COMING.
R: Jon Snow is going to need a whole bottle of Xanax when he finally finds out that he’s spent years complaining about being a bastard for no reason, is actually a king and the rightful heir to all of Westeros, AND that the woman he’s got heart-eyes for is technically his aunt. Should’ve stayed with the wildlings, Jon. Should’ve stayed with the wildlings.
M: Everytime Dany looks at Jon she has hungry eyes and every time Jon looks at anyone but Gendry, he is the saddest of kings.
K: Dany could have only been more turned on if Drogon set her on fire.
Tyrion meets up with Jaime and Ser Davos retrieves Gendry
G: Dude, I knew Gendry was going to be in shape after all that rowing. But wow, did you see how he just swung his hammer at those soldiers? I’m shook. Also, Tyrion always breaking my heart.
R: I’m honestly surprised I couldn’t be heard screaming with pure joy from outer space. Ya boy Gendry Baratheon is back and he’s got a new haircut and a war-hammer.
M: As soon as Gendry came on my screen, I thought to myself, “somewhere in Massachusetts there is a very happy Rachael Conrad.”
K: Nostalgia? Check. Badassery? Check. Uniqueness? Check. Battle against all odds? Check. Impending death on the next episode? You can bet 15 gold Gendry will not meet Arya.
G: Don’t say that!! What if Benioff and Weis hear you???
Cersei Lannister claims to be pregnant
G: If it comes out looking like Chris Martin on meth, it’s Euron’s. Also, pretty priceless when it all clicked and she realized Olenna did kill Joffrey. Tee-hee.
R: Listen. I love Jaime Lannister. Game of Thrones is the first and only show to make me care deeply about a man who sleeps with his sister and pushed a small child out of a tower window. What I don’t love is Cersei playing mind games with him. Someone needs to sit that man down and have him read Gone Girl.
M: Well, Euron’s question of whether or not Cersei likes a finger in the bum has been confirmed.
R:… *looks into the camera like Jim from The Office*
K: Great. They knocked up Cersei so we’ll get to have another dead Lannister to cry about.
The Westeros Avengers go on a suicide mission
G: First of all, next week’s episode doesn’t have a title yet. We knew “The Spoils of War” a week in advance. You reach your own conclusions on that. Second of all, there’s no way at least one of them isn’t dying. And finally, did Jorah and Gendry make it all the way back just to die at the hands of a White Walker they literally set out to taunt?
R: I can’t believe Game of Thrones put the greatest boy band together only to inevitably kill one (or more) of them off.
In all honesty, one of the biggest Game of Thrones plot holes will forever be the fact that Berric and Thoros, the Hound, and Gendry have all spent some quality time with Arya throughout this show and not a single one of them mentioned her to Jon.
M: I can’t believe the plotline of this coming episode is to steal the living dead from an unending winter. That’s the worst 90s Image Comics plotline I have ever heard. Yet, I’m so excited!
K: Why are you guys stopping at two? For all I know the only ones guaranteed not to die are Jon and The Hound (and I’m only making myself believe he won’t because I badly want Cleganebowl to happen).
Additionally, Beric has somehow survived all this time to fulfill some duty. Will his duty be fighting this battle or fighting the war?
“Eastwatch” Episode Vitals:
You precious cinnamon roll. Judged dumb by many for being a Wildling and turned out to be as sharp as the rest of the badass women in this show. You’re doing GREAT, sweetie.
Favorite Moment: Jon Snow petting a dragon
Biggest Annoyance: Littlefinger getting back in the game. Just throw yourself down the Moon Door.
Best Line: “Thought you were still rowing.” – Ser “Jokes” Davos, when finding Gendry
Race for the Throne:
Fourth Place: Jon Snow
Our main dude is literally about to be killed by White Walkers. We can’t watch.
Third Place: Cersei Lannister
Everything still sucks for her, but she insists she can turn this around.
Second Place: Littlefinger
We don’t want to talk about it.
First Place: Daenerys Targaryen
Whether or not you agree with her politics, it doesn’t change the fact that the Mother of Dragons has the numbers, the resources, and the dragons.