This is a spoiler-filled Game of Thrones Season 7 Episode 7, “The Dragon and the Wolf” recap
Game of Thrones’ seventh season didn’t kill off as many people as we’d expect (compared to the high death count of previous seasons). However, “The Dragon and the Wolf” did deliver one of the most anticipated downfalls: Littlefinger’s. The setup is now ready for an epic six-episode, nonstop open battle.
Even though Cersei didn’t agree to send her troops north, it’s to be expected that Jaime will do whatever he wants. Once the White Walkers are (hopefully) taken down, Cersei will rage war on whatever is left of Houses Stark and Targaryen.
Will she perish at Jaime’s hands? One can hope. But then again, Jaime might not be equipped to live through this winter. In the meantime, let’s be glad that Dany and Jon finally happened, all while Bran and Sam added up all the pieces of Jon’s ancestry together so we were all sure it was Aegon Targaryen, nephew of Daenerys Targaryen, who was currently (probably) impregnating her.
Oh, and the wall’s gone. Lolz.
A brief commentary on what went down in Game of Thrones Season 7 Episode 7, “The Dragon and the Wolf”
Daenerys walks into King’s Landing like a BOSS
G: This is how I plan on entering every party or office meeting from here on out. I only travel by dragon.
R: Daenerys “Super Extra” Targaryen.
M: I never thought I’d see a woman win a dick measuring contest by flying into a meeting late on the back of a dragon but here I am, proven wrong.
R: That’s how arrive to all dick measuring contests.
M: That’s how we found out I have the smallest dick in the group.
K: And how we found Dany’s dick is bigger than “Magic Dick” Podrick.
#CleganeBowl is announced
G: I don’t know in whose time this is happening, but it’s happening.
R: I’m a little bummed out that Cleganebowl didn’t happen during the finale, but at least it’s on the horizon and The Hound is chomping at the bit to deal with his brother once and for all.
M: With the Mountain looking more and more like Vader every episode, I hope Cleganebowl goes all out with Star Wars easter eggs when it happens.
K: Can the Mountain even die? Next thing we know, Qyburn is pimping him up with the remains of the white walkers so he becomes the ultimate zombie.
G: Damn, that’s messy.
Euron’s not about fighting White Walkers, Cersei pretends to care, and Jon Snow can’t lie about bending the knee
G: I hope Euron Greyjoy’s fleet gets wrecked in Essos and he never returns.
R: I am 100% here for Theon Greyjoy-Stark baptizing himself in the sea after that absolutely brutal fight scene, and then sailing off to save his sister and take back the Iron Islands. What is dead may never die, but rises again, harder and stronger.
As for Jon “I’m a bastard” Snow… wait until finds out that his entire life has been a lie. He’s going to have a full-blown breakdown.
M: Oh, Jon bent the knee all right. Behind closed doors, he bent both knees.
K: Jon’s honesty finally gave me the closure I needed between Cersei and Tyrion. Additionally, the fact that Cersei is counting on them turning on her as the war ends will give us some good drama later on.
Cersei and Jaime have a…slight falling out after Cersei chit-chats with Tyrion
G: “Nobody walks away from me.” Okay, bitch.
R: All it took was a 20-second conversation with Brienne for Jaime to peace out of King’s Landing and Cersei’s manipulative clutches. They’re totally in love, and I cannot wait to see them fight side-by-side together.
M: Low key, I think Cersei’s been waiting to sick the Mountain on Jaime since he forced herself on her by their son’s grave.
K: Never have I been more scared for a character being ruthlessly killed until Jaime’s confrontation. This will end up being the event that finally sets Jaime against her.
After years of nerve wracking life choices, the Starks finally catch onto Littlefinger’s lies
G: Littlefinger to Sansa: You’re doing great, sweetie.
Sansa: SIKEE BITCH, YA THOUGHT.
R: I don’t want to hear anyone say that Sansa Stark is a weak character ever again because she has now killed off two of the show’s worst villains without batting an eye.
M: I wasn’t expecting to hear a man’s voice break like that between sobs for mercy from two queens and get so excited. Is this a new kink?!
K: Finally. Fucking finally.
Bran and Sam pin down Jon–I mean Aegon Targaryen’s–exact lineage, pronouncing him THE HEIR TO THE IRON THRONE.
G: From zero to hero, just like that!
R: I wonder if Bran can see that Sam took all the credit for what Gilly discovered?
M: You know nothing, Jon Sand.
K: What was great about this scene was seeing how Bran’s near omniscience works: he can recall any bit of information he wishes as long as he knows what he’s looking for. #ThreeEyedGoogle
Jon and Daenerys probably make babies, because who’s barren now?
G: Do I feel dirty/guilty for encouraging incest? Nope. Game of Thrones has made me immune to literally everything conscience-related.
R: If Jon and Daenerys make a baby (and it’s a boy) then I’m going to stick with my theory that “the prince who was promised” isn’t Jon at all, but Jon’s son. Because Jon’s a King, not a prince. I’m on to you D & D.
M: I never thought I’d see the term wincest outside of 4chan, but Jon and Dany entering the bone zone brought that term back from the dead.
K: The writers just had to make us hear Bran and Sam discussing Jon and Dany’s relationship as a voice-over as they fucked. We can’t ever have nice things.
“The Dragon and the Wolf” Episode Vitals:
MVP: SANSA, BRAN, AND ARYA STARK.
For taking down Littlefinger and the Patriarchy all in one swing.
Favorite Moment: Littlefinger choking on his own blood as he said “Sansa” for the last time. Fuck you, dude.
Biggest Annoyance: Why Cersei gotta be so rude.
Race for the Throne:
Fourth Place: Cersei Lannister
Can we believe that the Iron Bank is truly backing Cersei as much as she says? Is Euron actually still working for Cersei? And more importantly: does Cersei have the ovaries to rid herself of Jaime before he completely betrays her? Too many things are up in the air for House Lannister. Don’t forget, Cersei: the lone wolf dies but the pack survives.
Third Place: Daenerys Targaryen
Dany has lost a dragon and she might lose the other two sooner rather than later. BUT the mother of dragons is about to start mothering other things, like the next generation of ruling Targaryens born of incest, (and we’re here for it).
Second Place: Jon Snow
Aegon Targaryen in the house, bitches! Not only is Jon Snow now officially the majority owner of the Iron Throne, he’s also about to make a baby with his only technical rival. Damn, now they only have to survive winter. Lolz. Should be simple enough.
First Place: The Night King
With Westeros divided, let’s be serious. The Night King is definitely holding a full house right now, and we’re just a bunch of offsuits.
Thanks for tuning in to “Game of Thrones S7E07: Race to the Throne Recap.” We’ll see y’all next time!