This is Season 2 Episode 7 of The Magicians: “Plan B”
You know what would’ve been nice? An actual Plan B pill that worked with demon babies. Or to have had Plans C to Z ready by the time Plan B failed. Literally, anything. Anything else would’ve been nicer. For this and more craziness, continue reading our The Magicians recap, filled with cheerful events and happy times. Like always.
Quentin’s biggest fear has become his reality
A lot of intense shit happened in this episode, but I don’t think anything, no matter how tragic or unfortunate, has left me quite as distraught as Quentin Coldwater’s current situation. Since the very first episode, Q has been plagued by the fear of falling prey to his mental weakness. He has pictured himself in sanatoriums and has sincerely doubted his surroundings and his memories. Having to take Alice’s life was already going to take a big toll on his mental health, but having to keep her trapped in his back because there’s no other way to save her?
Dude. This show wrecks me sometimes. For almost all intents and purposes, Quentin lives the life of a person suffering from schizophrenia. He argues with Alice in libraries, he needs to shut her out of conversations with Julia, and sometimes, he has to strike bargains with her to save Penny from suffocating to death. But I’m getting ahead of myself.
The best bitches are coming home
Julia and Kady take a trip to Chinatown, where the meanest abortionists in town await them. After taking one look at Julia, the two hedge witches begin knifing her aura, resulting in a fiery discussion in Mandarin. We are later informed that there are two ways of dealing with the problem, but only one witch is willing to perform the surgery that would keep Julia alive. For a million dollars. In gold. No biggie. Julia scoffs, reminiscing on when was the last time her problem was not having enough money.
Soon after, an invisible henchman attacks the best bitches, killing the stolen haxenpaxen with a wooden spoon in the process. Kady suggests they seek asylum at Brakebills, which they are granted. Julia has a heart-to-heart with Quentin in Alice’s room (which are now Julia’s new digs). Awks, I know. Meanwhile, Kady runs into Penny at the library and instead of getting into a fiery argument, they have make-up sex. Or something.
I kind of wanted some confrontation, but I guess I’ll have to wait.
Things in Fillory are falling apart, as per usual
After declaring war on Loria, the High King and Queen of Fillory are informed that they’re broke. There isn’t enough money to fix the well, and there sure as hell isn’t any money to start a war. Lucky for Margo and Eliot, they are not the only people in need of funds, which brings them to Brakebills, where they agree to go on a heist to fund Julia’s abortion and Fillory’s war.
For the first time in forever, the storylines become one again
Everyone’s geared up to rob a bank, meaning cool clothes and cool hairstyles. Margo is in command (as per usual), revealing she has done this kind of job in the past. As we’re given the bank safety rundown, Margo informs us most banks are owned by magicians and thus are protected with magic. The plan (A) is to steal fingers (for fingerprints, obviously) from two of the bank’s employees as two different fingerprints are needed to shut down the security system. Kady and Q are responsible for this part of the showdown.
All their efforts are to ensure Penny can travel into the vault and steal the gold. The only caveat being that he cannot touch the floor or the door will lock and he will be trapped in there with no air forever. Which obviously happens because MURPHY’S LAW and because THIS IS THE MAGICIANS.
Anyways, the gang breaks into the bank in full awesomeness, setting loose a swarm of bees forcing the bank tellers to evacuate. They walk in sporting full bee suits and get down to business. Everything goes well, until Penny touches the floor and gets trapped. Quentin strikes a bargain with Niffin Alice, who agrees to help him open the vault door in exchange for 30 minutes of “stretching time” a day. How does Alice stretch? By taking over Quentin’s body, duh.
Plan B then really goes to shit
Even though Penny can now be rescued, they set off the alarm causing the guard trained in battle magic to be released. In their first attempt at running out of there, they die. The good news is Julia arrives just in time, having perfected her “Quarterback” machine (which turns back time for 15 seconds). However, they can only turn back time four times. The next two times, Penny or Quentin die the minute they step outside. During the last attempt, Eliot gets hit.
For a minute there, we all start losing our jellybeans, forgetting Eliot’s real body is asleep in Fillory. However, he does start convulsing in real life, and from the previews it seems like he isn’t waking up anytime soon. The gang does manage to steal the gold and the hedge witch performs the surgery. When Julia awakens, however, Kady informs her the baby is gone but there were complications. Amount of people shocked: 0.
As for the invisible henchman, turns out he was cast by the unwilling hedge witch who just wanted the baby dead as soon as possible, even if it cost Julia’s life. How it was cast in the first place? By using an old wooden spoon and period blood. Yup. I’ll leave you on that note.
Biggest Annoyance: The guards having sexy time when we’re busy freaking out over life.
Favorite Moment: Eliot throwing the disco ball to distract the guards.
Funniest Line: “Fuck the Physical Kids.” – Penny